« February 2008 | Main | April 2008 »

March 28, 2008


View image

March 26, 2008

Red Sox Haikus

Yeah, I know, It's been a while since I've updated all the Haiku results.... and I apologize. I have no excuse other than see below!!! Anyway, speaking of below... please remember to comment on your favorite Haiku(s) below...

Fat guy next to me
Spills my beer everywhere
I love the bleachers

Sammy Tarnauskas
Reminds me of Pedroia
how awesome is that?

Driving on the Pike,
I can now smell the street meat
Sox are upon us

Won the Series.....
What have the sox done for me?
my FREE furniture......

Doree knows baseball
but a haiku about it?
yes, she will strikeout.

Baseball, shmaseball, hmph
This will never be posted
Why should I bother

matsuzakah shirt
helped red sox win in tok'yo
fenway is waiting

Flying to Japan
will not save them from New York.
Long live the Yankees.

Vote in the comments below!

Next Haiku topic... my excuse... please right a Haiku about why it's taken me so long to post all these submissions... Send them to haiku @T j0shua D0T com. Try to translate that spammers!

Television Haikus

tee vee everywhere
tee vee in your underwear
what television?

Reality blows
QVC and Lifetime too
Family Guy rules

Clearly a very uninspired day for my Haiku contingency... but the stalwarts of Haiku-ness came through nonetheless. Shame on the rest of you.

Easter Haikus

Jodi (this time the i has a little pink egg over it, I swear!)
I hope to find chocolate
bunny bring it on

Peeps, beans, eggs, oh my!
why is there a rabbit here?
Jesus needed help?

easter is scary
crazy rabbit calls at night
please save me jee-bus!

Bunnies laying eggs
Jesus Bleeding from a cross
I just don't get it

Cadbury eggs rock
As my teeth begin to rot
All I want is more

Vote in the comments below!

End of Winter Haikus

Please vote in the comments below!

The cold disappears
Life will return to my world
Sun on my face heals

I can see the end
The darkness of winter fades
Filling me with light

The Bear wakes and yawns
The light fills his once dark cave
"FOOD!" cries his Belly

Daffodil opens
Her yellow face welcomes spring
The happy bees buzz

Winter is ending
But this DAY will never end
Longest. Day. EVER.

One banana, two
bananas, three bananas,
four. End of winter.

I'm still frozen numb
Ice melts to reveal old rust
Is this winter's end?

Let there be warmth now
Let there be grass and sand now
Let there be v-ball

Light in the window
There is a crack in the sky
Time for spring, let's fly

Vote below!

March 20, 2008

Nefarious Haikus

Lots of entries for the Nefarious Haikus! Please vote below in the comments section! Sam A bowl of ice cream, Oh, nefarious villian! Why can't I quit you? Jeffry Nefarious Josh. Four of five squandered at once. Pick a shorter word. Linder Blind belief in it Hate, death, kill, all in it's name It's nefarious Who's nefarious? Julia roberts, that's who. It's all about meeeeeeeee! My eyes are burning Stupid pollen really sucks It's fricken nefarious Jacky (aka Boy-Jacky) You were nefarious As unlucky as I am I was precarious Wicked times are these Watch out, I may kick your balls Mua ha ha ha ha Blood drenched shirt I wear Blood taste in my mouth still lasts Chewed out my own heart Once upon a time I fell into the dark side I am Darth Weirdo Marriah We Lie Cheat and Steal He's my nefarious one So Bonnie and Clyde She's a Criminal A Vile Veracious Villain Horribly Heinous The End of Winter ones will be up soon... in the mean time... work on "Easter" theme for the next Haikus and send them to haiku @T joshua DOOT com

ignore this.

I am testing!

March 19, 2008

St Patrick Daikus!

62005559 01E88D1366

Today, to mix things up a little, you get to vote... please add a comment (click on the comments link) at the end and let us know which is your favorite!


It’s St. Paddy’s day
I have been drinking since noon
What’s my name again?

No snakes in Ireland
It ain't easy bein' green
Thank god for Guinness

Jodi (that's a clover over the 'i' today...)
I'm not wearing green
well, not that anyone sees
one hidden green heart

On Saint Patrick's Day
Every person is Irish
And wears their best green

Oh, Saint Patrick's Day,
To drink until we are green
Take tomorrow off.

I am not irish
There is no Saint Jacobo
But there should be one

Woke up seeing green
Top of the morning to ya!
Leprechaun daydream

Don't care for beer
I can't do the Riverdance
Kiss me I'm jewish

The Nefarious ones will be up soon... in the mean time... work on "The Last Day of Winter" theme for the next Haikus and send them to

March 18, 2008

Free Form Haikus


It was Free-Form Friday, and yes, I am late, sorry. Also, please enter some comments below on your favorites, as I hopefully have the comments fixed now and would like some of you to test them, etc.

Weekend adventure
Good friends, snow carving, hot tub
Chorizo fo sho!
(credit to Marriah for last line)

I walked right in it
Like you read about in books
Demon child enslaved

Got two haiku wins
Proving I'm better than ya'll
Chika chika yeah

I see you see me
Dreams won't fade, what can I do?
See me see you too

If you had the chance
And you could love anything
Love Guasacaca

Rabbi walks in bar...
This will be hillarious...
Laughing already...

the birds were singing
an annoying melody
so i shot them all

lying on cold tile
midnight stomach flu session
thank god for bathtubs

Jodi (yes, the 'i' has a little heart over it...)
freeform haiku blows
joshua says we have slacked
who made him master

Jean (who seems to be a day behind... is it just the Arizona time change?)
safety equipment
once at gym, never removed
guy loves his helmet

Jodi is correct.
Too much pressure with free form.
Creative we aren't.

First place is a tie this week between Jacky's Rabbi and Anisha's Birds. I was sort of thinking, wrongly clearly, that people would try to do some "real" poetry without the humor. Not sure why I thought that... all my friends are funny. The St. Patrick's Day haikus will be up shortly. Today's haiku must use Dictionary.com's word of the day:

nefarious \nuh-FAIR-ee-uhs\, adjective:
Wicked in the extreme; iniquitous.

Go for it! And send it to:

March 13, 2008

Haikus... Prostitution...


With the wake of the Eliot Spitzer scandal, we decided to focus a bit on the dirty side of life...

The entries:

wow, prostitution
is where the money is at
Me love you long time

oldest profession
dates back before W.B. Mason
need to change my job

Governor of state
At home, has wife and three kids
What a big dumbass

Night creatures dwelling
look for a piece of action
a girls sells herself.

Oh yeah, baby, yeah
That's the spot! Against the wall!
Near the camera


Brain is mush today
Prostitute haiku undone
Sorry Josh, next time

he slows down the car
she asks him... whattya want?
a Cleveland steamer?

Gone, with no goodbye
A hug is the penalty
All is restored
(note: she is aware that this was just a random haiku and not related to the subject above...)


spitzer paid for his
what would hilary say now
monica was free

the whorebag you are
taking money from me now
boobies boobies boobs


my name's not spitzer
i'll do you in the shitzer
but i won't get caught

see you on the street
gonna ask you for a treat
oh no, you're a dude!

like ron burgandy
go back to whore island whore
can i write a check?

I have to give today's winning drink to Doree for her "dumbass" haiku. If for no other reason, it really summed up how I personally felt about the whole situation. The guy's a dumbass. Who has the world at your fingertips and does something like this? The answer... A Dumbass. Secondly, yesterday's Haiku re: "workplace safety" was a giant bust. Only Jacky sent some in... four in total, which where all quite awesome. He probably would have won regardless but now wins by default. Next contest... Free Form! Any subject you want...Send your Haikus to Haiku @T j0shua D0T.com

PS: Jacky's Haikus were as follows:

Afternoon munchies
Ambien samples look yummy
Woke up on Sunday

Itchy little toe
What can help me subdue it?
Soldering iron!

Set current half Amp
TENS electrodes on my crotch
Who needs Viagra?

Unit wouldn't turn on
That capacitor looked hot
I had a finger

March 11, 2008

Daylight Savings Time Haikus


So hard to wake up
Rays of sun are barely there
Saved instead for night

Hold my pillow tight
Going back to the future
Time travel tonight

Daylight savings time,
does not help my head. Give me:
Mental savings time

Something in my eye
Sleep deprivation again
DST sucks balls

What is an hour?
Such a costly anal pain
Really, why bother?

daylight savings time
welcome back spring and summer
happy birthday lou

Spring forward, fall back
wish this was Arizona,
would not have to deal....

Daylight savings time
Not observed here in AZ
Now 3 hours behind

Turn my clock ahead
It's so good to see the sun!
Summer is here soon.

Daylight savings time
This topic was my idea
And I’ve got nothin

Update: Upon further reflection, I really like Jacky's time travel one. It's not funny but it's the most poetic. Linda would probably have some disparaging comment about it liking it to playing D&D (just kidding!!!) so I'm going to give it first place.

No clear winner (or loser?) today. I felt that they were all good but nothing stood out as above and beyond. Clearly a lot of people are ready for the summer. Except those in Arizona, you just suck for not having snow or cold weather and taunting us w/ your "I'm playing volleyball in the sand tonight" comments. Today's contest, in the honor of the current governor of NY, Eliot Spitzer: Prostitution. Please submit to: haiku@joshua.com

March 10, 2008

Video Games Haiku


video games on
bf does not let me play
he is now an ex

Got Guitar Hero
a present from awesome friends
someone to play with?

Mario Brothers.
Gay plumbers with attitude.
Gamer's platitude.

Mushroom power up
A, A, B, B, Up, Down, Up
Kiss my ass turtles!

I joined Xbox Live
Ten year old just kicked my ass
Then insults my mom...

I suck with joysticks
I miss my mouse and keyboard
I'd frag your face good

Fifty inch plasma
In Rock Band I can play all
Skin Junkies rock out!

One more sleepless night
Countless epic trips to new worlds
Hot TV glow tan

pong so slow and calm
pac man chases ms pac man
guitar hero wins

pong is for stoners
centipede is for speeders
all can play the wii

read a book then play
don't fry your brain on gaming
learn to relax some

i played wii last night
my right shoulder really hurts
holy shit i'm old

It's a tie today btwn Jean's ex-boyfriend and Lucas' Mario Bros... though there seems to be some debate about whether Mario is two or three syllables... I am confident it's three but Jacky seems to think it's only two... must be some weird Venezuelan thing. Today's topic is Daylight Savings Time. Send your Haikus to haiku@joshua.com

March 7, 2008

Dungeons and Dragons Haikus

800Px-Dungeons And Dragons Game

Wow, lots of great participation here, including myself... of course I am disqualified from winning and buying myself drinks, but hey, got to join in the fun!

18 HPs
D20 rolls a 19.
you are dead. sorry.

Dungeons and dragons
I’ve never played it before
But I hear it’s gay

dungeons are dreary
dragons don't even exist
never played the game

master dragon rests
dreams of role playing go on
farewell sir gary gygax

dungeon master rules
knows all the secrets you need
farewell our master

roll eight sided dye
now lying slain, Gary Gygax
nerds crying tonight


Rolling the dice now
Sweat builds fast on my forehead
Shit! Think I just died

Dark, cold, damp dundgeon
My foot deep in dragon poo
Tenacious D rocks

who's Gary gygax?
leader of dorky gamers,
no more hit points left.....

dungeons and dragons
why do i know it?
I share a cube with IT

Despite it seeming like it has an "anti-alternative lifestyle" comment in its verse, I have to give Linda's Haiku first place for this category. Not only did I actually LOL, but the joke-within-the-joke of calling it gay really made me laugh. If you're not familiar with any type of "modern" online gaming, let alone teen-speak, if you're doing something uncool, it's called gay. However, much of the population who plays AD&D Online, World of Warcraft, Lord of the Rings Online, City of Heroes/Villians, etc. would be the exact population who would call you gay for messing up in the game. Was Linda this observant of the entire gaming population, its characteristics, flaws, and vernacular? Was she being über clever? Or was she just lucky and I'm reading way too much into it? Hell, I've never even met her! But regardless, congrats to Linda - I owe you a drink - if/when our paths should cross!

TODAY'S and this WEEKEND'S topic... Video Games! Also, starting today, one of the weekly winners will get to chose a topic next week... so Linda, since I've just announced this new feature, you're in charge of a topic next week. Email me your entries everyone to haiku AT joshua DOT com. Thanks!

March 6, 2008

Precipitation Haiku

Yesterday's Theme was to use the word "Precipitation" in your 5 / 7 / 5 Haiku.

The Finalists:

snow, rain, sleet, hail, slush, fog, dew
cold, damp, miserable


lost my umbrella
pitter patter on my head

Words are dropping on my head
Say it don't spray it

Rain boots polka-dots
Triple Precipitation
Puddles splash splash splash

Lets precipitate
Our own precipitation
Down this precipice

wish it were beer raining down
i'd be drunk at work

Flying for business
lousy precipitation!
missed my connection.

Sam wins today's Haiku, due to its true to nature relevance. Congrats Sam... I owe you a drink!

The next one, should be about Dungeons and Dragons, in honor of the late great Gary Gygax who died yesterday. Make it about the game D&D or just about a Dungeon or a Dragon... or something that makes you think of D&D! Good luck!

email them to me to haiku AT joshua DOT com

note: I am going to add a voting system shortly!

Taxes Haikus...

Not a lot, but definitely quality where we lack in quantity.

Taxes Haikus

State is positive
and federal negative
ending at zero

Amy Green
About taxes? Why?
Taxes suck, no one likes them
but alas, we pay!

ugh, taxes shmaxes
birth--yea, death & taxes--boo
skip this year, pay next

Robert passed away
he worked for my company
I'm at H and Block

H&R Block sucks
Mark works there so he sucks too
Its flawless logic

I love them all. Mark's made me smile the most. He gets the free drink of the day.

March 4, 2008

Only two entrants, and four entries...

For yesterday's Haiku of the Day Contest:

Far away I've flown
From the place I used to be
Because of you... me

Glad to see you smile
Missed your face, your embrace
It has been a while

Nine years it has been
The world yearns still to be seen
Green card, COME ON NOW!


airport pick up time
beautiful blind russian bride
joshy gets a date

Jodi wins yesterday's contest. Today's topic:

TAXES! Since I'm working on balance checkbooks, and bringing the books up to date for my meeting with Chestnut Hill Mel tomorrow, the topic is taxes, accounting, banks, and/or money.

Good luck to you all.
Today's topic is taxes.
Entries by midnight.